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A deaf couple are getting married

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Relationship Jokes
A deaf couple are getting married, and the man decides that they should make sure from the start that they understand important matters, so using sign language he explains to his bride:

"When - I - want - sex - with - you, - I - will - squeeze - your - left - breast - once."

"When - I - do - NOT - want - sex - with - you, - I - will - squeeze - your - right - breast - twice."

"When - you - want - sex - with - me, - you - should - pull - my - penis - once."

"When - you - do - NOT - want - sex - with - me, - you - should - pull - my - penis - fifty - five - times."

There was a young girl in Berlin

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Limerick

There was a young girl in Berlin
Who was fucked by an elderly Finn
Though he diddled his best,
And fucked her with zest
She kept asking, "hey Pop, is it in?"

Do you have reservations?

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Relationship Jokes, Short Jokes

A biker and his new bride show up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite.

"Do you have reservations?" inquires the receptionist.

"Only  one," replies the groom. "She won't take it up the ass."

Prostitution is ...

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Short Jokes
Prostitution is a hole sale business.

There was a young fellow named Gluck

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Limerick
There was a young fellow named Gluck
Who found himself shit out of luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed
He found virgins just don't give a fuck.

Now you won't see me for a while

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Relationship Jokes, Sex Jokes, Short Jokes

A young couple is on their honeymoon.

After start having great sex, he says, "Now you won't see me for a while."

"We're on our honeymoon!" she exclaims. "Where the heck do YOU think you're going?"

"Nowhere, sweetheart," he says. "Turn over."

Greeting Card

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Relationship Jokes, Short Jokes
A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head "no."

A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"

"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"

Why don't you try nursing?

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Medical Jokes
A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist's couch, telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an actress and failed," she complained.

"I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too."

The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"

The blonde girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says... "Well go ahead, I'll give it a try!"

What's the bucket of sand for?

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Medical Jokes, Sport Jokes
A very avid golfer was lined up and ready on the 17th tee when out of the woods came a naked girl who ran past him and into the woods on the other side of the tee. Being the avid golfer he was, he once again beared down on the ball and right in the middle of his backswing a guy in a white coat ran out of the woods and asked him if a naked lady ran past.

Our golfer said "Yes, she ran into the woods."

The guy in the white coat said thanks and ran after her. Our golfer again prepared to hit the ball when all of a sudden another man in a white coat came out of the woods carrying a 5 gallon bucket of sand and asked if he had seen a man in a white coat come through here chasing a naked lady. He said, "Yes, they ran that way through the woods."

The man said thanks and started to run off when the golfer stopped him and asked, "Hey, what's going on?"

The guy explained, "You see we work at a sanitarium institution nearby and every now and then that girl gets away and all she wants to do is get naked and fuck."

The golfer then asked, "Well what's the bucket of sand for?"

The guy in the white coat said, "Oh, that's my handicap. You see, I caught her last time!" 

I must have been really tight last night!

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Animal Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Essex Girl Jokes

A young blonde woman from Essex goes out drinking one night and she gets really plastered!

The next morning she rolls over and discovers there is an elephant in bed with her! 

She looks at the elephant and says, "Oh no, I must have been really tight last night!"

The elephant looks at her and waves his trunk a little and says, "Only the first time."

Paw, what is Sex?

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Redneck Jokes
A typical family of hillbillies, Paw, Maw, Jethro and little Sally.

One day, Jethro asked, "Paw, what is Sex?"

Paw says, "Since you are a big boy I will show you."

Paw hollers, "Maw get yourself in here!" Paw then says,"Maw, take your clothes off and get on the bed. Now spread your legs."

Paw says,"Jethro see that thar little hole? Now watch this!"

In the midst of Paw's demonstration Little Sally comes in and exclaims, "What is going on? "

Jethro answers, "Paw is teaching me about sex."

Little Sally asks, "What is Sex?"

Jethro replies, "See that little hole on Paw? Now watch this!"

Is your daughter sexually active?

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Redneck Jokes, Sick Jokes

A redneck took his daughter to the Gynecologist.

They waited in the Doctor's office when finally the Doctor came in and asked the father:  "Well, what are we here for today"?

The father answered: "to get my daughter on birth control, Doc".

"Well, is your daughter sexually active?", asked the Doctor.

"No", answered the redneck, "she just lays there like her mother".

My umbrella straight up your ass

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Gay Jokes

One night this guy was waiting in line to get in the movies. The guy behind him was pushing and shoving up against him. Several times he told the guy to get lost, each time a little less politely.

Finally he turned around and said, "Look, buddy, if you don't stop pushing me, I'm going to shove my umbrella straight up your ass!"

The other guy said, "Oh, yeth, pleathe, and then open it thlowly!"

Little Johnny gambling

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes, Student Jokes

The teacher had caught little Johnny gambling several times. She requested a conference with Johnny's dad who admitted that he also had tried to break Johnny of his gambling habit. After many failed efforts, Johnny one day (after school) called the teacher a hypocrite.

"Why do you say that, Johnny," she asked. "Because you are." Again she asked, "why." He said, "Because you're not a true blonde."

She demanded to know how much money Johnny had. It came to about $50. She bet him $50 dollars she was a true blonde. She went behind her desk and removed her panties.

Then she stood with her back to the door and pulled her dress up showing her radiantly blonde pubic hair. Afterwards she called the father and told him what she had done "in Johnny's best interest."

The father moaned and groaned and cried, "Oh, no," numerous times.

The teacher said, "Look, I did this for Johnny. Do you think it was easy for me to pull up my dress and show Johnny my pussy? I'd think you'd be understanding instead of critical!"

The father replied, "Oh, I'm not so upset that you showed Johnny your pussy, it's just that..."

"Just that what?" the embarrassed teacher asked.

The father replied, "It's just that I decided to break Johnny of betting myself, and this morning I bet him that he was wrong when he boasted that before the day was over, he'd have you lifting your skirt and showing him your pussy."

She's just feeding him

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny was out with his dad in the park when he spotted a woman about to breastfeed her baby. She unbuttoned her blouse, rolled out a very large breast and popped the rosy nipple into the child's mouth.

"Dad! What's that woman doing to that baby?" Little Johnny asked.

"Relax, mate. She's just feeding him," the father replied.

"Get the fuck outta here!" Little Johnny, exclaimed. "There's no way he'll eat all of that!"


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