Blonde Jokes
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Why don't you try nursing?
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Medical Jokes"I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too."
The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"
The blonde girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says... "Well go ahead, I'll give it a try!"
I must have been really tight last night!
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Animal Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Essex Girl JokesA young blonde woman from Essex goes out drinking one night and she gets really plastered!
The next morning she rolls over and discovers there is an elephant in bed with her!
She looks at the elephant and says, "Oh no, I must have been really tight last night!"
The elephant looks at her and waves his trunk a little and says, "Only the first time."
Little Johnny gambling
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes, Student JokesThe teacher had caught little Johnny gambling several times. She requested a conference with Johnny's dad who admitted that he also had tried to break Johnny of his gambling habit. After many failed efforts, Johnny one day (after school) called the teacher a hypocrite.
"Why do you say that, Johnny," she asked. "Because you are." Again she asked, "why." He said, "Because you're not a true blonde."
She demanded to know how much money Johnny had. It came to about $50. She bet him $50 dollars she was a true blonde. She went behind her desk and removed her panties.
Then she stood with her back to the door and pulled her dress up showing her radiantly blonde pubic hair. Afterwards she called the father and told him what she had done "in Johnny's best interest."
The father moaned and groaned and cried, "Oh, no," numerous times.
The teacher said, "Look, I did this for Johnny. Do you think it was easy for me to pull up my dress and show Johnny my pussy? I'd think you'd be understanding instead of critical!"
The father replied, "Oh, I'm not so upset that you showed Johnny your pussy, it's just that..."
"Just that what?" the embarrassed teacher asked.
The father replied, "It's just that I decided to break Johnny of betting myself, and this morning I bet him that he was wrong when he boasted that before the day was over, he'd have you lifting your skirt and showing him your pussy."
That's my Rolex
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Essex Girl Jokes, Sex JokesDown in Essex, a guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose blonde slapper. She was very receptive to his foreplay after they parked, and as the petting increased he put his hand down her panties.
She seemed to be enjoying his progress, but suddenly cried, "Ouch! Your ring is hurting me!"
"Ummm..." he said a bit uncomfortably, "that's my Rolex."
How many fingers have I got up?
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Essex Girl JokesAn Essex girl, blonde an' all, is crossing the road, when she gets hit by an XR3.
As she is lying on the ground, the driver, Dave, rushes out of the car to see if she is alright.
"I'm so sorry luv! I just didn't see ya. Are ya OK?" he blurts out.
"Everyfink is just a blur, I can't see a fing" she says, tearfully.
Concerned, the man leans over the woman to test her eyesight. He asks, "How many fingers have I got up?"
"Ah fuckin' 'ell NO!" she screams. "Don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down an all!!!"
What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Short JokesWhat is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball
Billy tries all the time
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Relationship JokesMother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now.
Blonde daughter: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it's just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing.
That's not my butt, Doc!
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Medical JokesA beautiful blonde lady about 21 went to a doctor and asked for a check-up.
The doctor claimed that he had to use a thermometer for the check-up. So he asked her, "Where shall I put the thermometer?"
The blonde replied, "...uh ...not in my mouth, Doc. I might swallow it."
"Okay...let's try your armpit." the doctor suggested.
"Well, it might tickle me, Doc. How about my butt?" she queried.
"Okay then," so he put the thing in the blonde's butt.
Later, the broad while giggling exclaimed, "that's not my butt, Doc!"
The doctor replied, "That's okay dear... it's not the thermometer, either."
Would you like me to numb you down there?
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, Medical JokesA sexy blonde goes to the gynecologist for the first time. She's up in the stirrups, and the doctor notices she's trembling.
He says: "You're nervous, aren't you?"
"Yes, it's my first visit to a gynechologist."
"Would you like me to numb you down there?"
"Oh, yes please."
He sticks his face between her legs and goes: "Num, num, num . . ."
You're next
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde JokesA young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Blonde's Repair Kit
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde JokesJosh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car.
Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a
little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.
Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.
She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."
Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"
Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."
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Cell Biology
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde Jokes, College Jokes, Student JokesA biology student was taking a cell biology course. The task of the day was examining epitheleal cheek cells under a microscope. They had to scrape the inside of their mouths with a toothpick and make a slide from it and record the different types of cells that were found.
One blonde girl in the class was having some trouble identifying some cells. She called the professor over to ask him.
After a moment or two of peering in her scope, he looked up and said in a loud voice,
"Those are sperm cells."
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Climax ?
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde JokesAt a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?"
"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure he had one of them real fancy Mazdas."
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The Blonde & The Sailorman
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde JokesA depressed young blonde woman was so desperate, that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded "yes". After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
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The Mirror
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Blonde JokesLegend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room,
there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and
tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie,
*POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen
again.
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands
before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the
world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think
I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and
says, "I think..." *POOF*
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