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My umbrella straight up your ass
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Gay JokesOne night this guy was waiting in line to get in the movies. The guy behind him was pushing and shoving up against him. Several times he told the guy to get lost, each time a little less politely.
Finally he turned around and said, "Look, buddy, if you don't stop pushing me, I'm going to shove my umbrella straight up your ass!"
The other guy said, "Oh, yeth, pleathe, and then open it thlowly!"
I am a Leprechaun
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Gay JokesA guy walked into a bathroom and started pissing. He looked over and saw a really little man taking a piss. The guy looked over at him and said, "hello."
The little man said, "hi, I'm a leprechaun!"
The guy was amazed.
The leprechaun said "I like you. I am going to grant you 3 wishes."
The guy was skeptical but he decided to go along with it. The guy said, "Okay, I want a big house." The leprechaun said, "When you return home, you will have a huge mansion!"
The guy said, "And then I want a beautiful woman for my own." The leprechaun said, "I will give you a woman so wonderful you will never look at anyone else."
The guy didn't know what to wish for 3rd. He looked over and saw the size of this leprechaun's dick. It was huge. He said "Okay, my third wish is to have a big dick as big as yours."
The leprechaun said, "I'll give it to you if you let me screw you up the butt." The guy didn't want to, but he really wanted a big dick. So the two were tearing it up!
All the sudden the guy yelled out, "I can't believe I'm letting a leprechaun screw me up the butt!"
Then the leprechaun said, "I can't believe you think I am a leprechaun."
The Bisexual Son
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Gay Jokes
These four gents go out to play golf one day. One is detained in the clubhouse and the remaining three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding industry. He began as a carpenter,but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful that in his last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man not to be outdone, told how his daughter began her career as a car salesperson, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "She's so successful, in fact, in the last six months she gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man's son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives, they tell him that they have been discussing their children and ask him about his son.
"To tell the truth,I'm not very pleased with how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been in and out of work and I've just recently discovered he's a bisexual. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three lovers have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
"My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding industry. He began as a carpenter,but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful that in his last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man not to be outdone, told how his daughter began her career as a car salesperson, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "She's so successful, in fact, in the last six months she gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man's son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives, they tell him that they have been discussing their children and ask him about his son.
"To tell the truth,I'm not very pleased with how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been in and out of work and I've just recently discovered he's a bisexual. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three lovers have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.
The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.
*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...
"Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.
The dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:
*Ting-a-ling* goes the little bell...
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness"
The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.
"James, my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest". Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the shower".
*Ting-a-ling*
The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.
*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...
"Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.
The dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:
*Ting-a-ling* goes the little bell...
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness"
The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.
"James, my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest". Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the shower".
*Ting-a-ling*
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.
"Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Damn", Sam thinks... "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I wear?"
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
"Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Damn", Sam thinks... "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I wear?"
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
This guy has a bad case of hemorrhoids, he decides to go see the
doctor. The doctor says "It's not too bad, you just need to put
these suppositories up your ass." The doctor then says "I'll give
you the first dose, then you can have your wife give you the
second this evening." The man replies "okay." Later that evening
he is talking to his wife and tells her what the doctor said, and
she said she would help. She puts one hand upon his shoulder and
tells him to bend over. All of the sudden the guy screams "Oh My
God!!"
"What's wrong?"
The man replies, "I just realized that the doctor had both his
hands on my shoulders when he gave me my medicine."
doctor. The doctor says "It's not too bad, you just need to put
these suppositories up your ass." The doctor then says "I'll give
you the first dose, then you can have your wife give you the
second this evening." The man replies "okay." Later that evening
he is talking to his wife and tells her what the doctor said, and
she said she would help. She puts one hand upon his shoulder and
tells him to bend over. All of the sudden the guy screams "Oh My
God!!"
"What's wrong?"
The man replies, "I just realized that the doctor had both his
hands on my shoulders when he gave me my medicine."
6 shots of Jaegermeister
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Gay Jokes
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jaegermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blow job."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
"I want 6 shots of Jaegermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blow job."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Two gay guys were waiting for a cab. Another guy a ways away was waiting too.
They asked him if they wanted to split a cab, and he said sure.
When they were in the cab, one of the gay guys went pphhhhh. The other gay
guy went pphhhhh too.
The third guy thought as long as they farted I might as well too. Brripp he went.
The gay guys looked at each other and said, "Virgin."
They asked him if they wanted to split a cab, and he said sure.
When they were in the cab, one of the gay guys went pphhhhh. The other gay
guy went pphhhhh too.
The third guy thought as long as they farted I might as well too. Brripp he went.
The gay guys looked at each other and said, "Virgin."
Running in the family
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Gay Jokes
A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 tequilas.
The bartender asked, "what's wrong," and the guy says that he just found out that his younger son is gay.
The bartender says, "he's sorry about it." After a couple of days the guy comes back and orders 15 tequilas.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong now," to which the guy responds That he found out that his older son was gay, too.
The bartender says that he's sorry. The guy returned a few days later and ordered 20 tequilas.
The bartender burst out, "Isn't anyone in your family gettin' any pussy?!"
The guy gets really pissed and says, "Yeah, my wife!!!!!"
The bartender asked, "what's wrong," and the guy says that he just found out that his younger son is gay.
The bartender says, "he's sorry about it." After a couple of days the guy comes back and orders 15 tequilas.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong now," to which the guy responds That he found out that his older son was gay, too.
The bartender says that he's sorry. The guy returned a few days later and ordered 20 tequilas.
The bartender burst out, "Isn't anyone in your family gettin' any pussy?!"
The guy gets really pissed and says, "Yeah, my wife!!!!!"
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