Holiday Jokes
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man
standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink
envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and
starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine
cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink
envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and
starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine
cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Santa's Diversion
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Holiday Jokes
Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She
begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch.
Santa declined, saying "Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know."
Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. "OH Santa, won't you please
stay?" she begged. Taking a long look, Santa sighed and delivered a not too believable, "Ho- ho, gotta go.
Gotta deliver these presents you know."
Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said in the
sexiest voice imaginable, "Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?"
With a very pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said very slowly, "Ho - ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these
presents you know."
And with that, he turned and left. Two minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the
couch next to the beautiful girl.
"Santa! You decided to stay!!" she exclaimed gleefully.
Santa grinned and said "Hey - hey, gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney THIS way!"
begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch.
Santa declined, saying "Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know."
Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. "OH Santa, won't you please
stay?" she begged. Taking a long look, Santa sighed and delivered a not too believable, "Ho- ho, gotta go.
Gotta deliver these presents you know."
Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said in the
sexiest voice imaginable, "Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?"
With a very pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said very slowly, "Ho - ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these
presents you know."
And with that, he turned and left. Two minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the
couch next to the beautiful girl.
"Santa! You decided to stay!!" she exclaimed gleefully.
Santa grinned and said "Hey - hey, gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney THIS way!"
The Car Accident
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Holiday JokesThree men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven.
On entering they are told that they must present something "Christmassy." in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is let it.
The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
To which he replies, "Oh, They're Carol's."
Something Good To Eat
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Holiday Jokes
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
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