1000 Valentine Cards

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Holiday Jokes, Lawyer Jokes
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man
standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink
envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and
starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine
cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Santa's Diversion

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Holiday Jokes
Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She
begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch.

Santa declined, saying "Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know."

Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. "OH Santa, won't you please
stay?" she begged. Taking a long look, Santa sighed and delivered a not too believable, "Ho- ho, gotta go.
Gotta deliver these presents you know."

Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said in the
sexiest voice imaginable, "Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?"

With a very pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said very slowly, "Ho - ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these
presents you know."

And with that, he turned and left. Two minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the
couch next to the beautiful girl.

"Santa! You decided to stay!!" she exclaimed gleefully.

Santa grinned and said "Hey - hey, gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney THIS way!"

The Car Accident

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Holiday Jokes

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven.

On entering they are told that they must present something "Christmassy." in order to get in.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is let it.

The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

To which he replies, "Oh, They're Carol's."


-