Irish Jokes
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You know what I want
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Irish Jokes, Relationship Jokes, Short JokesPaddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says 'You know what I want don't you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
Paddy you're mad
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Irish JokesPaddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, Im gonna pretend I'm mad!'
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home'
So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.
'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy.
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your fucking plane!!'
I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Arab Jokes, Irish JokesA Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy odered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!'
Irish Wedding
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Irish Jokeseveryone got extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a
storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking
the living daylights out of each other. The Police get called in to break
up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The
fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with
the use of his hammer, shouting, "Silence in Court!" The court room goes
silent and Paddy, the Best Man, stands up and says, "Judge, I was the Best
Man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."
The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his
explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding
that the Best Man gets the first dance with the bride. The judge says,
"Okay."
"Well," said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept
going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music
kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the
groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful
kick right between her legs."
Shocked, the Judge instantly responded, "God, that must have hurt!"
"Hurt?!" Paddy replies. "He broke three of my fingers!"
He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' mother fuckers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin' where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?".
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
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