Lawyer Jokes
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Creative Defense
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Lawyer Jokes
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
It turns out that Heaven isn't above Hell, but rather, Heaven
and Hell share the same plane and are separated only by a long
wooden fence.
One day, the Devil decides to throw this huge bash. Lots of bands
perform with some of the biggest names, and the Damned start
having a heck of a party. Toward the end of festivities, a big
fireball fight breaks out and, sure enough, one lands on the
fence and burns it down.
God complains to the Devil and insists that the Devil rebuild the
fence.
The Devil says, "Sure, no problem. I've got all the union leaders
over here as well as most of the building contractors."
So, the fence is rebuilt but it's three feet to one side so that
Hell has taken over three feet of Heaven. God is PO'd.
"If you don't move that fence back," yells God, "I'm gonna sue
you."
"Yeah, right," says the Devil. "Where are you gonna get a lawyer?
and Hell share the same plane and are separated only by a long
wooden fence.
One day, the Devil decides to throw this huge bash. Lots of bands
perform with some of the biggest names, and the Damned start
having a heck of a party. Toward the end of festivities, a big
fireball fight breaks out and, sure enough, one lands on the
fence and burns it down.
God complains to the Devil and insists that the Devil rebuild the
fence.
The Devil says, "Sure, no problem. I've got all the union leaders
over here as well as most of the building contractors."
So, the fence is rebuilt but it's three feet to one side so that
Hell has taken over three feet of Heaven. God is PO'd.
"If you don't move that fence back," yells God, "I'm gonna sue
you."
"Yeah, right," says the Devil. "Where are you gonna get a lawyer?
High Voltage
Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Lawyer Jokes
A lawyer walks into his client's death row cell and says, "I've got good
news, and bad news for you."
The prisoner says, "Okay. What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is that the Governor won't issue a stay of your execution."
"Oh that's terrible. What possibly could be the good news?"
"The good news is that I got your voltage reduced!"
news, and bad news for you."
The prisoner says, "Okay. What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is that the Governor won't issue a stay of your execution."
"Oh that's terrible. What possibly could be the good news?"
"The good news is that I got your voltage reduced!"
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man
standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink
envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and
starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine
cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink
envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and
starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine
cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
A lawyer is driving in the middle of nowhere and his car breaks
down. After waiting a while, a farmer comes along and asks what
the problem is. Discovering what the problem is, the farmer
offers his home to the lawyer to stay for the night.
Later that night, the lawyer is asleep, and the farmer's wife
comes in his room and wants to have sex with him. The lawyer
says, "No, you're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife
replies, "My husband is a heavy sleeper he won't wake up, I
promise." To prove it, she takes the lawyer into her room where
her husband is butt-naked and tells him to pull one of the hairs
on his ass. The lawyer does it and the farmer doesn't wake up.
Then they go back to the room and have sex. About 2 hours later,
the wife comes back and wants more. The lawyer says once again
"You're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife says, "I
already told you, he's a heavy sleeper. So she takes him in her
room again and he pulls another hair on the farmer's ass and
still the farmer does not wake up. So they go have sex again.
It's almost sunrise and the wife comes back again and wants to do
it one more time before her husband wakes up. The lawyer says,
"It's almost sunrise, he's about to wake up." The wife says "Let
me show you one more time that my husband is a heavy sleeper." So
they go back to her room and he pulls a hair on the farmer's ass.
Just then, the farmer turns around, looks at him and says:
"You can fuck my wife as many times as you want, but don't use my
ass as a scoreboard."
down. After waiting a while, a farmer comes along and asks what
the problem is. Discovering what the problem is, the farmer
offers his home to the lawyer to stay for the night.
Later that night, the lawyer is asleep, and the farmer's wife
comes in his room and wants to have sex with him. The lawyer
says, "No, you're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife
replies, "My husband is a heavy sleeper he won't wake up, I
promise." To prove it, she takes the lawyer into her room where
her husband is butt-naked and tells him to pull one of the hairs
on his ass. The lawyer does it and the farmer doesn't wake up.
Then they go back to the room and have sex. About 2 hours later,
the wife comes back and wants more. The lawyer says once again
"You're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife says, "I
already told you, he's a heavy sleeper. So she takes him in her
room again and he pulls another hair on the farmer's ass and
still the farmer does not wake up. So they go have sex again.
It's almost sunrise and the wife comes back again and wants to do
it one more time before her husband wakes up. The lawyer says,
"It's almost sunrise, he's about to wake up." The wife says "Let
me show you one more time that my husband is a heavy sleeper." So
they go back to her room and he pulls a hair on the farmer's ass.
Just then, the farmer turns around, looks at him and says:
"You can fuck my wife as many times as you want, but don't use my
ass as a scoreboard."
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