The Red Ring

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Medical Jokes
A man goes to his doctor and says, "Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've got a problem."

The doctor sends him into his examination room. He examines the man to find the man has a red ring around his penis.
The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area and has him return in a week.

"It all cleared up!", the man reports when he returns. "But what was that medication you gave me?"

The doctor said, "Lipstick remover."

The Diagnose Computer

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Medical Jokes
One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor". His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer started to make a weird nose and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a small slip of paper printed.
It said: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor, it will be better in two weeks.

Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Pete began to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, poured the sample into the machine and deposited $10.00. The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis: Your water is hard, get a softener. Your dog has worms, get him shots. Your daughter's using cocaine,
get her into a rehab clinic. Your wife's pregnant, it's not yours, get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!

10.. 9..

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Medical Jokes
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete
checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and
you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"

"Nine..."

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