Guys Of The Asphalt

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Men Jokes, Police Jokes
In the afternoon this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby
lake and relax. On his way to the lake one guy dressed from head
to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures him to
stop. Our guy rolls down the window. "How can I help you?"

"I am the red bastard of the asphalt, you got something to eat?"
With a smile in his face he hands one of his sandwiches to the
red dressed guy and drives away. Not even five minutes thereafter
he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully
in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop.

A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window. "What can
I do for you?"

"I am the yellow bastard of the asphalt, you got something to
drink?" Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a
can of coke and then stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In
order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go
faster and not to stop no matter what.

To his frustration he sees another guy on the side, dressed all
in blue, making a hand signal to stop him. Not quite willing our
guy decides to stop a last time, rolls his window down and yells
to the guy, "So, let me guess, you're the blue bastard of the
asphalt and just what the hell do you wanna have?"

"Driver's license and registration, please."

Voodoo Dick

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Magic Jokes, Police Jokes, Relationship Jokes, Sex Jokes
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business
trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her
something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much
like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought
about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He
was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his
wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his
situation, the old man "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick.
We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of
anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except !!!" and he stopped."

businessman "Except what?"

the old man "Nothing, nothing."

businessman "C'mon, tell me ! I need something!"

the old man "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo
dick.'"

businessman "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box,
carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very
ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said

"Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door."

The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started
screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack
developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said

"Voodoo dick, get back in your box!"

The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once
more.

Businessman "I'll take it!"

The old man resisted, saying "it wasn't for sale", but he finally surrendered to
$700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say

"Voodoo dick, my pussy."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny, she thought
of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but
it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to
go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the
car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo
On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was
pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how
much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't
been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop
screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said:

"Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

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