Heaven & Hell

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Lawyer Jokes, Religious Jokes
It turns out that Heaven isn't above Hell, but rather, Heaven
and Hell share the same plane and are separated only by a long
wooden fence.

One day, the Devil decides to throw this huge bash. Lots of bands
perform with some of the biggest names, and the Damned start
having a heck of a party. Toward the end of festivities, a big
fireball fight breaks out and, sure enough, one lands on the
fence and burns it down.

God complains to the Devil and insists that the Devil rebuild the
fence.

The Devil says, "Sure, no problem. I've got all the union leaders
over here as well as most of the building contractors."

So, the fence is rebuilt but it's three feet to one side so that
Hell has taken over three feet of Heaven. God is PO'd.

"If you don't move that fence back," yells God, "I'm gonna sue
you."

"Yeah, right," says the Devil. "Where are you gonna get a lawyer?

The Celibacy Test

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Gay Jokes, Religious Jokes
Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.
The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.

*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...

"Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.

The dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:

*Ting-a-ling* goes the little bell...

"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness"

The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.

"James, my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest". Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the shower".

*Ting-a-ling*

Amish Couple

Posted By: Adult Jokster - More Jokes like this: Religious Jokes, Sex Jokes
A dating Amish couple Elizabeth and Eli, are riding down the road in their buggy. It's mid January and very cold.

Elizabeth says to Eli, "My feet are frozen solid."

Eli says, "Well, put them in my lap. I'll rub them and warm them up."

Elizabeth does so and after a while she asks, "Eli, what's that hard thing in your pants?"

Eli answers, "That's my penis, it's frozen solid.. Maybe you can rub it and warm it up."

The next morning Elizabeth comes down for breakfast and asks her mother, "Ma, what do you know about penises?"

Her mother retorts, "I don't know, what do YOU know about penises?"

Elizabeth replies, "I know one thing, they sure are messy when they melt!"

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